I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
