Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
