$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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