I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
