i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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