Michael Bay diarrhea
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
