Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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