Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
