He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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