you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
