Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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