i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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