I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize
