If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
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