you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
