I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Randomize
