: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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