Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
