there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
she pinky promised me she was 18
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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