I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
