I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize