well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Randomize
