Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize