i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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