You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
