Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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