You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
