More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
they're like a gay fantastic four
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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