Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
