so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
