is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
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