i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
