You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Randomize
