Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
