You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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