If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
