How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
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