is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
