3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
