You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
