Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Randomize
