I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Randomize
