I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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