He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
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