if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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