Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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