only if we run a train.
done.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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