we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
