i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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