Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Randomize