Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Just pee around me
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
