he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
