Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Randomize
