i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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