So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Randomize
