it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
