Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
