after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
