Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Randomize
