need another drink. this is the easiest way
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
