You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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