Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
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