How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
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