very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
All I want is dick and wine.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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