So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
