how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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