I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
