I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
