In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
