I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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