i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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