Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
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