He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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