apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Randomize
