my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Never joke about your clitoris.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
