my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
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