dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Well I just put wine in my tea
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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