Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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