He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
