i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I'm bleeding and have questions
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
