Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
We named our party play list daddy issues
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
