At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Randomize
