what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
