Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I love having hate sex.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Randomize
