Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
