I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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