i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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