You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
What a dumb baby whore.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
