No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
