its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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