At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
