Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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