Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
