MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
