trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
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