3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
